I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
