Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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