1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
