oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
