I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
