I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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