My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my being single is dangerous.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
