just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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