she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude