I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.