When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
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I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
There's always time for handjobs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
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It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.