Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
