Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.