Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
