she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
