part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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