I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
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Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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