I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
