i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
