she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
