they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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