They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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