How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
