Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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