I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
