how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
FUCK WHALES
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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