the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
