Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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