i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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