My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
