and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
