There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
