there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
