I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
