how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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