It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
