I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
