I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
