how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
