I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
