Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
