take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
