I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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