Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
