I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Are we still banned from the library?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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