Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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