Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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