i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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