brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I want a musical about memes.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
