upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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