He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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