she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
