dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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