Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
