If you die in college, do you die in real life?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
