i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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