Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
