Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
