I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
