i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
