I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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