I heard we made out
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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