i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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