Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
