listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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