Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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