Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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