My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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